Skill Sets.

I have recently taken up food photography. I read about it. Studied it. I admit to being a bookworm.

The first time I picked up this badly designed instrument from hell, I was looking at it like it’s the inside of blue blooded alien with lemons as eyes. I was turning it around, looking at it and looking like a fool. Had anyone clicked a picture (irony!!) I would have been mistaken as a returnee from the loony bin! I mean, why does a small focal point have a big number? Why play around with the universe? It can strike you down, you know?

So I’m still learning, still struggling and still wondering why tongue – twisting words like shutter speed (say it fast – see what happens!) exist.

I’m on my – so to speak – bucket list. Last year and the year before that I took up DJing (I’ll look up the dictionary. I’m sure it’s a real word). I was the only “aunty” in the group. Till such time I threatened to wash their mouths with Dettol. Then they started calling me Appu. It’s a cool thing I’m doing right? So lets be cool –Call me Appu.

So Appu started learning how to DJ. The kids in my group, picked up really fast. They knew the music, they knew the beats and their young ears accurately picked up the tempo. I only picked up the lingo.

But since it was a childhood dream, I learnt it, through hard work and, a lot of cheating. Let me tell you – I am in love with the person who came up with a digital software for music. It makes all those nuances I missed out, very easy to follow. Now I wow my friends and make a “cool” parent.

I still cheat.

Next I want to take up drumming. This time I am sure I will be the only female in the group. I can just imagine the scene. Ten men, all ducking and running for cover because I tried whirling the drumsticks and its now flying all over the place, threatening to lodge itself into someone’s eye.

I should have studied all this when I was younger. Skills learnt at a younger age is something learnt forever. The photography would be as automatic as brushing my teeth,(though my dentist says I don’t do a good job there), and Djing would feel as comfortable as the commode I pee in. I would have been alternating my happening party nights drumming and playing gigs on the DJ console.

All ye kids, kind enough read my blog, go out there and learn a set of skills a year. Trust me – especially the complicated stuff like cameras. It’s easier for you to believe in an alternate universe.

 

 

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Exhausting Teenagers.

I had written this piece exactly two years ago.

All of this is based on facts!!

My teenager is a “last minute -er”. Technically she is no longer a teenager. And she has gone for her first unsupervised coed holiday. Exams got over a week back, since then it has been difficult to get her out of bed, unless, she hears of a party or night out! Then she is ready within minutes.  Time obviously waits for no one. It did not for her too.

I kept saying pack bags, “Yes ma! I’ll do it” I was hearing that in my dream for days! I am sure she was too!

This was how her day went – for a 4 pm flight for which she HAD to reach the airport by 2.45pm.

11am

She wakes up.

Starts throwing clothes from the cupboard into the floor, and from the floor into a bag, (which was changed twice) Then she dashes off for a shower, which amazingly takes only a few minutes. But that’s because it’s to her benefit.

12 noon.

Madam dashes off to a suburb 10 km away to get a form signed by her dance teacher for her CAS hours, without which she will not qualify for her IB diploma. BTW this form was printed and ready to be signed five days ago. Meanwhile her brother re packs her bag. The poor chap will wince if he sees the state she brings it back. I can visualize him, shaking his head in disgust.

1.25pm

She arrives and sits for lunch. When I chide her for doing things and the nth second, she – without any regret, bats her eyes at me and says “Mamma you know I do things last-minute. You should be prepared!”

1.55 pm 

We scan her form, to upload to CAS. The scan of course takes longer than it should. And but obviously even the WI FI is slow today.

Finally it’s uploaded and strung up in her school system, then my child starts hunting for the teachers phone no, who has to approve the forms. She decides to call him on way to airport.

2.20 pm

We all walk down to bid her a goodbye. And we realize she has not printed her ticket. Again the printer throws a tantrum and does not print. She now has to use her PNR and considerable charm to get into the check in counters.

2.55 pm

She leaves and I crumble into a ball of exhausted heap. I suddenly hear a whizzing sound come from my work table. Her ticket is now printing itself!! I am sweating and very willing to swap my three-year old niece and nephew who make me run behind them for hours, in lieu of this exhausting teenager.

You can see me in an hour at the foot massage parlor.